


you're contractually obligated to this Anthony

by lucky_katebishop



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Awkward Sex Talk, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone is friends, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Minor Frank Castle, No Blip, Sassy Peter Parker, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, YouTube, accords are resolved, endgame and infinity war didn't happen, minor Matt Murdock - Freeform, non linear story telling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucky_katebishop/pseuds/lucky_katebishop
Summary: A classic YouTube Q&A with everyone's favorites Tony Stark and Peter Parker.
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 405





	you're contractually obligated to this Anthony

**Author's Note:**

> So uh my favorite class and like the only thing keeping me from dropping out of college is going online so I wrote this to cope.
> 
> Page breaks is when the camera cuts. This is obviously inspired by other youtube fics. Read the others ones they're better than this.

“So, what do I do? Do I just stand here?” Tony Stark asked, staring at Peter behind the camera for guidance. 

“Yeah,” Peter informed, “act natural.” Tony gave Peter a pointed look. 

“Act natural? That’s your best advice?” 

“Oh, you’re right,” Peter nodded solemnly, “I should’ve known that that would be too much for you.” 

“Shut up, you smartass,” Tony smirked. 

“Just say hi and tell us who you are!” 

Tony stared straight at the camera and gave an excruciatingly long sigh. 

“Why did I agree to do this?” Tony asked as he cocked his head to the side and squinted up at the ceiling. The camera zoomed in on Tony’s face. 

“Because you love me?” 

“That’s debatable,” Tony flatly said. 

“Because you lost a bet and now you’re contractually obligated to do this?” 

“How was I supposed to know that Sam could drink an entire carton of milk in less than two minutes? He should be dead. You should go to jail for attempted murder.” 

“You’re grumpy,” Peter said from behind the camera, focusing in on a painting behind Tony’s face. 

“You’re grumpy every day of the year, where’s your excuse?” 

* * *

Peter held a makeshift sign that said “Curly Q’s” in big red blocky letters with Tony’s head in his hands. 

“I stole these questions from another youtuber’s twitter suggestions,” Peter smiled. 

“‘Another’ youtuber?” Tony raised an eyebrow. Peter rolled his eyes and looked at his phone.

“Okay, first question. What’s your fave thing about autumn?” Tony grimaced. 

“Is that really your first question?” 

“Anthony, answer the question. The people want to know.” 

“I thought we talked about you calling me Anthony, kid.” 

“No,  _ you  _ talked about it, I smile and nodded like I was listening,” Peter said. 

“You’ve been hanging out with your girlfriend too much, you’re starting to gain some attitude problems.” 

“Watch what you say about MJ, she will find a way to destroy you.”

“Yeah, I’d like to see a seventeen year old kid find a way to destroy my life,” Tony scoffed. Peter raised his eyebrows. Tony cleared his throat and looked towards the floor. “Sorry, Michelle. No disrespect.” Peter smiled widely. 

“Okay, since you’re adamant about  _ not  _ answering that question, let’s choose another one. Christmas or Halloween?” 

“Well, okay, answering the first question, I like it when it becomes bearable to go outside without feeling like I’m melting, and for this question, I think I’d say Christmas. People aren’t as drunk at Christmas, and there’s less crime rates. Although, I will say, it is cool to see so many people dressing up as Iron Man during Halloween.” 

“I dressed up as you for Halloween one year!” Tony smiled widely. 

“Wait, really?” Peter smiled towards the floor. 

“I mean, yeah, you’re like my favorite Avenger, so,” Peter said shyly. 

“Kid, that’s such a nice thing to say-” 

“Well, besides Thor.” Tony clicked his tongue against his teeth.

“Yeah, there it is. Alright, next question?” Peter smirked and looked at his phone. 

“What is the oldest photo you have on your phone?” 

“Oh, uh, hold on,” Tony said, fumbling for his phone. Thirty seconds later, he showed his phone to Peter. The picture was of Rhodey holding a yam which had a tiny Santa hat on it.

“Rhodes, he got a little drunk one Christmas party circa 2013 or so and he was trying to teach Thor who Santa was with an uncooked yam. He went on and on for, like, thirty minutes. It was great. I wish I remembered more, but uh, I was kinda hammered,” Tony said, “don’t make my mistakes. Don’t drink, you’re too young. You’re like a baby.” 

“You know, Mr. Stark, I won’t be seventeen forever,” Peter said. Tony snatched his phone back from Peter. 

“And people everywhere should be prepared for the day that Peter Parker turns into an adult and will be legally allowed to drink and  _ run _ .” 

“Whatever, Mr. Stark. Okay, next question. What’s your biggest fear?” 

“You hanging out with Murdock,” Tony said, “and Loki.” 

“You know what? I should introduce them. I think they’d become really good friends. Maybe I’ll invite Wade too.” 

“Do you want me to have a heart attack? Because I will. I will straight up die and leave you out of my will. Say goodbye to your inheritance and SI. Say goodbye to all my suits.” 

“Wait, I’m gonna get your suits?” Peter asked. 

“Well they’re not going to the government, that’s for sure. You and Morgan can decide what to do with them. Well, they  _ would  _ go to you and Morgan, but you’re being a little shit, so now they’re just going to Morgan.” 

“Frank. I’m inviting Frank. And Sam and Clint for good measure.” 

Tony stared daggers at Peter, who stared back, for a very long amount of time.

* * *

Peter and Tony are sitting on a sofa, Peter’s head on Tony’s shoulder, Tony’s arm slung around Peter’s shoulders. 

“What did you want to be when you were little?” Peter asked between bites of a snickerdoodle cookie. 

“Away from home,” Tony mumbled. Peter looked at Tony for a long time.

* * *

“I’m calling Matt right now!” Peter yelled, his hand stretched out to block Tony from grabbing his phone. 

“Kid, I swear to God-” 

“Matt! We have to have a rendezvous with Loki! I’m gonna text Wade!” Peter screamed into the phone. “Oh, hi, Foggy. Is Matt there? Mr. Stark, I’m on the phone! Manners!” 

“I have every right to ground you right now!” Mr. Stark shouted at Peter as he started to run away. 

“I’d like to see you try!” Peter yelled as he ran out of frame. “Foggy, get Karen on the phone, I need to know Mr. Castle’s number!” 

* * *

Peter was laying against the edge of the sofa with his head in Tony’s lap, his legs dangling on the side. 

“Who was the first person you fell in love with?” he asked while trying to simultaneously balance his phone on his nose unsuccessfully. 

“Pepper,” Tony said, “to be honest, it took me a really long time to learn how to open up enough to fall in love with somebody.” 

“Pepper’s great,” Peter sighed happily, “she reminds me of MJ a lot. They’re both scary and incredibly powerful.” 

Tony, who was running his fingers through Peter’s curls, looked at Peter and raised an eyebrow. 

“Are you in love with Michelle?” 

“I think so. I’ve never been in love before. How does it feel?” 

“Like your heart is going to fall into your stomach.” Tony said as he stared down at Peter. 

“Oh. Then I think, yeah, I’m in love with MJ,” Peter shyly said, his cheeks burning bright red. Tony chuckled. 

“That’s great, kid. Just, you know, remember to wear a condom because the world doesn’t need your weird lanky babies running around New York who have a hero complex.” 

“Mr. Stark!” Peter yelled, getting off Tony’s lap. “You ruined a perfectly nice moment!”

“Pete, do you need me to give you The Talk?” Tony asked Peter, smirking. Peter put his head in his hands. 

“No! Please stop!” Peter pleaded. Tony put a hand on Peter’s shoulder. 

“When two people decide to engage in sexual intercourse, there are certain feelings that arise-” 

“Oh my God!” Peter yelled. He got up from the couch and started walking out of frame. “I’m getting Pepper!” 

* * *

Pepper and Tony are on the couch looking towards Peter, who had a traumatized look on his face. 

“And Peter, that’s why foreplay is really important,” Mr. Stark informed as Pepper nodded her head in agreement. 

“Pepper, what did I  _ ever  _ do to you?” Peter asked Pepper in a low voice. 

Peter’s phone buzzed and he answered it. 

“Matt, please help me,  _ Anthony _ and  _ Virginia  _ are giving me the sex talk and I need an excuse to leave,” Peter pleaded into the phone. 

“No, Matt, I don’t need you to give me the sex talk, Jesus Chri-” 

* * *

Peter was lying across Tony obnoxiously, but Tony seemed not to care at all. 

“Who is your favorite youtuber to watch?” Peter asked Tony noncommittally, scrolling through his phone. 

“I like restoration videos, but I don’t really watch YouTube. I like those twig thingies you send me.” 

Peter shot up from Tony’s lap. 

“You mean Vine?” Peter asked Tony, looking at him. Tony shrugged. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Peter let out a loud laugh and laid back down on Tony. 

“You’re so old, Mr. Stark. ‘Twig thingies.’” Tony ruffled Peter’s hair. 

“Alright, alright, next question.” Peter swatted Tony’s hand away and turned back to his phone. 

“What did you get Alfie for his birthday?” Peter asked, a smirk laying across his face. Tony cocked his head and looked at his kid. 

“Who?” 

“I told you I got my questions off of another youtuber’s twitter! This one just  _ happens  _ to be from Zoella circa 2015!” 

Tony let out a loud groan and lightly pushed Peter off of him. He got up from the sofa and started walking out of frame. 

“I should just let you get that puppy, because anything is better than this,” Tony sighed. Peter shot up from the couch. 

“Really? It worked!” Peter shouted, fist bumping the air. Tony stopped, turned around, and looked at Peter. 

“You purposefully antagonized me in order to manipulate me into getting you a dog?” Tony asked, his jaw wide open. Peter shrugged. 

“It worked, didn’t it?” 

“Oh, you are so grounded, kid,” Tony shook his head. 

“Mr. Stark!” Peter whined, throwing his head back and sagging his shoulders. 

* * *

Peter and Tony were standing in front of the sofa, with Peter’s arm around Tony’s waist and his head resting on his shoulder. Tony had his arm slung around Peter’s shoulders. 

“So, this is all for the q&a. I didn’t get a dog, so,” Peter sighed. 

“That’s what you get when you emotionally manipulate your parents, kid,” Tony said, “do you do this to May?” 

“No, I actually  _ respect _ May,” Peter smirked. Tony pushed Peter lightly. 

“That’s it, you’re grounded from the lab for a week. Say goodbye to Dum-E right now ‘cause he’ll miss you-” 

“I was kidding!” Peter yelled. “You gave me the sex talk! I should get compensation for that!” 

“Alright, kid, sure,” Tony laughed, “three days instead. But you whine some more and I’ll give you two weeks.” 

“Whatever,” Peter sighed. He walked towards the camera and whispered, “there’s no way I’m grounded. I am  _ totally  _ getting out of this.” 

Peter turned his head around to look at Tony. 

“Hey, Mr. Stark! I bet you I can convince Vision to hack into the government and send Ross a memo telling him to release crucial government secrets!” Peter said enthusiastically. Tony rolled his eyes. 

“No way he would ever do that. Vision is actually smart.” 

Peter looked into the camera once more. 

“What Anthony doesn’t know is that Vision owes me a favor!” Peter whispered. “Thanks for watching! I’ll see you next time maybe, I dunno. Bug Mr. Stark on twitter to make another video with me!” 

“Kid, I am never making another one of these videos-” 

* * *

**Rachel McApples**

Uhhhhhh so are we going to ignore the fact that Tony Stark has a secret teenager????

**View replies**

**Kristin Applebees**

I would die for this kid. I legit would die for this kid. 

> **Riz “The Ball” Gukgak**
> 
> I think we ALL would die for this kid

**View more replies**

**Tonystanknoticeme**

If Iron Man gave me the sex talk I’d die ngl

**View replies**

**Flash Thompson**

WTF PARKER

**Michelle “don’t call me MJ” Jones**

Lol loser

> **Peter Parker**
> 
> I’m inviting you to the tower just so you get the same talk

**Black Widow’s girlfriend**

Wait,,, is he talking about Matt Murdock??? The lawyer from Hell’s Kitchen??? Does that mean he’s talking about FRANK CASTLE??? WTFFFFFFFFF

> **Guy in the Chair**
> 
> Wowww you must have a headache from thinking too hard

**View more replies**

**Author's Note:**

> These are actually questions I found off of Zoella's twitter circa 2015, so that's fun. Anyone who understands the kristen applebees and the ball references gets my immediate respect.


End file.
